Elderberry Turmeric Summer Syrup–Your New Doctor!

You’ve met hundreds of terrible imbeciles, seen thousands on TV. At what point does a person shift from being useless garbage to innocently afflicted? I’m worried about the GOP. On the surface some members appear to have been radicalized in response to 8 years of black leadership–like school boy Jihadists but KKKish. However, I don’t think they’re sophisticated enough for that. I think they’re sick.

Literally sick. Maybe a Flynt Michigan type thing? Early IQ data supports this premise. We need to mobilize, and fast. I get it. They don’t stir my sympathy either. But you guys! These wackos are in charge and it’s getting dangerous. I know they present as regular sadists but I believe it’s something far worse–Toxic Buildup. These reprobates need a bracing cleanse, and we shouldn’t rule out colonic irrigation.

Over the years toxins like misogyny, racism, and un-checked privilege can build up into a sludgie stratum. This prevents synapses from napsing correctly etc. The toxic mucilage collects near the heart and brain causing cognitive decline and lasting harm to others. In layman’s terms: The GOP’s brains and hearts are all rotted out with noxious spackle.

Flushing toxins from the system is no longer only for sufferers of seasonal allergies, the terminally ill or ladies considering too small bikinis. People are cleansing to get healthy, perform better, think more clearly. Lord knows the GOP has a massive clot of cobwebs to tackle upstairs.Those attics haven’t been dusted since the ’50s.

Not everyone will agree, but I feel we should TAKE DECENT CARE OF EVERYONE, even the scoundrels. So, if you or a loved one have been exposed to a radicalized Republican, get yourself checked, then try a harmless, scouring tonic.

We should all familiarize ourselves with home remedies and medicinal elixirs. They’re about to become our doctor. From the creators of the Tea Party comes: TEA–IT’S YOUR HOSPITAL NOW!  Drinks–the foundation of a Republican Health Care Plan.

This yummy “syrup” could be stored frozen in potent little cubelets. Mix a few cubelets into a pitcher of mineral water or pop one in a glass and let dissolve. I pour about 2 tablespoons over ice with sparkling mineral water.The syrup is highly preserved with the apple cider vinegar and lemon juice. It would keep fine in the fridge for weeks, though I go through it so fast I wouldn’t know. The elderberries and turmeric help with seasonal allergies and inflammation. Lemon and apple cider vinegar both have a supportive alkalizing effect on the body. It’s not too sweet and provides an interesting adult drink without the alcohol. It’s like a dry sparkling Pinot Brut Rose, only smarter.

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Elderberry Turmeric Summer Syrup--It's Your New Doctor!

  • Yield: 2 8 oz blaahah
  • Prep Time: 5 minutes
  • Cook Time: 45 minutes


  • 1 cup elderberries OPTIONAL: add 1 cup elder flowers
  • 3-4 Lemons, about 1 (1/2) cups juice.
  • 2 tablespoons honey (or more to taste). I used raw avocado honey.
  • 1-3 cups tart cherry juice or any of the other fancy, healing red juices: pomegranate, beet, cranberry, rattlesnake . . .
  • 1/8 of a pound Turmeric root, grated and pressed for juice, about 1/2 cup juice
  • 1/4 to 1 cup raw apple cider vinegar. No substitutions on this. Apple cider vinegar has an alkaline effect on the body (good) unlike other acid producing vinegars.
  • Mixer, like iced black or herbal tea, sparkling water. I mix this syrup in Pellegrino at night and black iced tea in the morning. Sometimes I just go Cowgirl and take a shot.


  1. Boil the elderberries in 12 cups of water in a tightly covered pot for 45 minutes. Let cool to warm. Strain.

  2. Peel and grate turmeric root then press through a fine mesh strainer or cheese cloth OR use your fancy juicer. If you are using the grater method, save the pulp in the strainer and pour the piping hot elderberry liquid over the pulp to wash excess turmeric juice into your mix. Conserve the turmeric pulp in a little jar in your refrigerator. Add it to soups, salads or breads.

  3. I use tart cherry juice because I've read magical things about it. I like the bright, chalky, complicated flavor it brings to the syrup. It rounds out the taste of this syrup to create a sort of pinot profile.

  4. Add 1 (1/2) cups lemon juice

  5. Add 1/4 to 1 cup raw apple cider vinegar. All the ingredients are suggestions and should be mixed to taste. Go lightly with the vinegar at first. If you're the kind of person who offers to wash dishes at dinner parties so you can get into the kitchen to drink the salad dressing out of the other guests bowls, use a whole cup.

  6. Add 2 tablespoon of honey and mix well. Taste. Add more honey if you want. The mix should still be warm so the honey will dissolve easily. When you drink the syrup it will likely be cold and cut with water. It will taste less sweet when it's cold and diluted. Sweeten accordingly.


I have mild arthritis in my hands due to injury and genetic flaws. Turmeric juice has me 100% duped into thinking it relieves my occasional hand pain. Hopefully you'll be Turmeric's sucker as well!



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