Lime Cream Pie with Triple Corn Crust (gluten free)

Occasionally I suffer from insomnia. An anxious question (or 7,000) will invade my cranium and spin me. My brick-red eyes focus on nothing and I wonder: Are my dishwasher soap-pods the kind that kill baby octopus? Octopi or Octopuses? Octopeese? Is it real that we’re supposed to eat whole lemons, peel and all? How important is that? As important as mammograms? Was it mammograms or yogurt that sound good for you but actually kill you? How the hell did animal groupings get those collective titles? Flock. Herd. Swarm. How did everyone agree to ratify Gaggle, Colony, Pod? Who had a problem saying Look out for that GROUP of orcas! An audience of squid was rubber-stamped! Things got out of hand super-fast with this project.

This was a teachable moment for humanity. Where was Confucius that day? Aristotle? Plato? A great teacher would have seized this opportunity: “Whoa! Good energy people! We’re thinking a lot together. There’s creativity in the room. We’re making decisions and agreements real fast. Let’s take this momentum and collaborate where there’s a need– maybe improve titles for the genitals (Vagina? For reals?). Hey Gang, You.  Are. Awesome! Let’s keep it going and ALSO brainstorm some binding agreements on Never Having Genocides.

We blew it on a day humans were collaborating like crazy and willing to commit. They felt real good about a Murder of Crows you guys. People would have signed on to ANYTHING. Where was the Paris Agreement that day? Missed opportunity. Again, the Left, not organized.

It’s addictive thinking up Collective Nouns. I see how it got out of control. That picture of The Presidolt and Republicans celebrating the House passage of “Trumpcare”—a Blister of Idiots. A Corruption of Conservatives.

So many groups are difficult to talk about because they are missing a collective noun: A Shame of Klansmen, a Racket of Bankers. Brock Turner and company? A Shit-Pile of Frat-boys.

Sorry/not sorry. I know white guys have taken a media beating lately, but only after millennia of dispensing and arranging for all the previous beatings—in the world. I know all you nice, unbigoted white men feel misunderstood, wrongly accused, lumped in with the Bung-Brains. That has to sting.

Learn something though. Take this in: The price of privilege—the responsibility to right the wrongs of others who look like you—is low. The price is low. You simply don’t know how much things cost. You don’t know what it costs to be black, brown, female, truly poor—even medium poor. Does it make you sad/mad that people suspect you might be a racist, selfish, misogynist based solely on the color of your skin?

I feel your pain. I look like Anne Coulter’s short-limbed cousin (she’s a lanky devil) or Paula Deen’s weak, runty sister. People see me and assume I built my nest egg through foreign oil investments. Ha! Jokes on them. I wouldn’t know a nest egg if I made an omelet out of it.

It hurts to be mistaken for one of the bad guys. To ease the sting is simple, prove you’re not one. How do you think vegan crocodiles feel? There’s a shared guilt they can’t escape. Do they wonder why the deer won’t sit by them in the cafeteria? They know! Do these woke crocodiles complain? They don’t. They get up every day understanding they have to be the best community members in the lagoon. They remind one another to NOT EAT THE DEER. They teach their children to respect the deer. They walk the Wildebeest home at night. They tackle the tiger when he lunges. They drag him to the bottom of the pool, spin him and pin him (Brock Turner!). White guys, step up and Be The Vegan Crocodiles!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Ricky John Best, Taliesin Myrddin Namkai Meche and Micah David-Cole Fletcher–Heroes of Portland attack. You bring hope at a hopeless time. You will be remembered as beacons in this historically dark season.

What now a pie recipe? Yep. What can you do for the grief stricken? You can make pie. America, if you are not grieving, you’re one of the bad guys. 

Creamy Lime Pie With Triple Corn Crust

  • Yield: 12
  • Prep Time: 45 minutes
  • Cook Time: 30 minutes

Ingredients

  • FOR THE CRUST
  • 4 cups crushed corn tortilla chips unsalted
  • 2 cups fresh corn (I cut mine off the cob because I party)
  • 1 cup firm packed brown sugar
  • 1 cup corn flour or masa harina
  • 3/4 cups butter
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper OPTIONAL
  • FOR THE FILLING
  • 1 (1/2) cups lime juice (I used 8 medium/large limes)
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 7 egg yolks
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 5 tablespoons butter
  • 1/2 cup cornstarch
  • 1-2 teaspoons lime zest

Instructions

  1. FOR THE CRUST

  2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

  3. Smash your favorite unsalted tortilla chips into a measuring cup to get 4 cups crushed chips.

  4. Pulse 2 cups fresh (or frozen) corn in a food processor (or blender?). This is just to break it up a bit. Imagine you are slicing every other kernel in half--that's how much pulsing.

  5. In a mixing bowl, whisk together 1 cup corn flour, 1 cup firm packed brown sugar, 1 teaspoon salt and OPTIONAL, 1/4-1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper.

  6. Add crushed chips to flour mix.

  7. Add chopped corn and 3/4 cups room temperature butter. Mix well with your hands like you are making pie dough--because you are.

  8. Press dough into a pan(s). I used a large tart pan and had leftover dough. You could fill 2 9 inch pans. Press dough very thin and even at the bottom. Too thick on that bottom crust layer and the pie tastes like tamale/cornflakes mush.

  9. I like lots of crust on pies and this crust is so delicious. It is inspired by that yummy corn mush they serve at Chevys. I pushed the edges of crust as high as I could for maximum crustage.

  10. Bake crust in the 350 degree oven for 12 minutes to crisp up the bottom layer. You don't want the edges too brown as it's going back in the oven again.

  11. FOR THE FILLING

  12. In a medium sauce pan whisk 1(1/2) cups lime juice and 1/2 cups cold water with 2 cups sugar and 1/2 cup cornstarch.

  13. Add 1/2-1 teaspoon lime zest.

  14. Separately, whisk 7 egg yolks with 1/4 cup water.

  15. Bring lime juice/sugar mix to a simmer. Whisk in the egg yolk mix. Continue to simmer and whisk for 1-2 minutes or until filling begins to thicken.

  16. When filling begins to thicken, pour it into the pie or tart pan. Place the pie in the 350 degree oven for 12-15 minutes. Remove before crust browns too much.

  17. Let pie cool and place in refrigerator or freezer to chill.

  18. Top with fruit or whipped cream and more lime zest.

Notes

This pie is especially on point as a dessert following Mexican food. I would use up my cooking energy making this pie for guests and then go down to El Roy's taco truck and buy a ton of tacos to lay out on a sheet pan. Blast the tacos under the broiler for a couple of minutes when guests arrive. When they see the taco bonanza and the pie--You're a Goddess. Also a perfect dessert after BBQ, Grilled sardines etc..

The filling recipe is enough to fill 2 nine inch pies with room for plenty of merengue or cream. I made one huge tart and had enough pie dough to make 2 tiny pies, but eyeball your filling. It won't rise so fill your pie shell to the level you like best.

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