We know it’s coming (impeachment) so let’s plan a party. Yes, Lamppost Mike will become President but there’s always more than one Malignant Broomstick lining the road out of hell.
Ousting Donald may seem like a small victory to some, “He’s just a symptom–a tentacle connected to a nightmarish tumor, funded by yada, blah, blah.” Wrong.Trump is a drug resistant Super-Bacteria and we must knock this infection out before we go septic.
Bedtime for Barbarians. On the list of chores to tackle, so the world doesn’t fold, putting Trump in his jam-jams and turning out the light tops the list. I’m no Kathy Griffin so I won’t conjure an image of Trump’s crib filled with starving pit bulls. You create whatever night-night theatre you need. Impeaching this huckster will be symbolic, empowering . . . and it will snowball. Eat your Wheaties, GOP.
Because Donald Trump treats his face-scabies with henna (we presume), people have coined nicknames for him using the word orange: Agent Orange, The Orange Menace or my Favorite: Orange Julius (because Julius Caesar, get it?). I know it’s all in good fun but it’s time we checked in with oranges? Are you OK, Oranges? We used to prattle on about you being a delicious source of vitamin C. Now we liken you to a bloviating toilet person. We’re kidding, Oranges.
It’s time we freed the orange. In an intuitive act of witchcraft, I created this recipe for Orange Pound Cake. Sound like anyone you know? Think of this as neo-voodoo baking. The rich pound cake is smothered in glazed peaches. Impeachment has never tasted so good.
Impeached Orange Cake
- 1 (3/4) cups flour
- 1 (1/2) cups granulated sugar
- 1 egg plus 3 yolks
- 1 (1/4) cups butter divided
- 1 (1/2) cups orange juice divided (2-4 medium/large oranges)
- 2-3 teaspoons orange zest
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 4-5 cups sliced peaches, 6-8 peaches.
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1 cup toasted almonds, chopped
Preheat oven to 325
Butter an 8 inch round, 2 inch deep cake pan. Lightly dust butter with flour. Set in a cool place.
Cream 1 (1/2) cups sugar, 1 (1/4) cups butter, and 1 teaspoon vanilla thoroughly.
In a separate bowl, whisk or sift together 1 (3/4) cups flour, 1/2 teaspoon baking powder, and 1/2 teaspoon salt.
Grate a couple of large oranges to get 2-3 teaspoons zest. Do this before you squeeze the oranges for juice.
Juice the oranges until you have 1 (1/2) cups orange juice.
Crack one egg into a bowl, add 3 eggs yolks and whisk until lightly beaten.
Add 1 cup orange juice to the egg mixture.
Add 1-2 teaspoon orange zest to the juice/egg mixture and gently beat until mixed.
Add the juice/egg mixture to the creamed butter.
Add flour mix to the wet ingredients in three turns. Beat gently until well incorporated.
Pour batter into your buttered pan. Bake at 325 degrees for 35-45 minutes. At this lower baking temperature, we often see a little doming in the center of cakes (ideal for muffins). This works for the impeachment cake because we are looking for a little toupee or wig-let à la Donald Trump.
After about 35-40 minutes, when cake has risen in the center and is nearly baked through, check for done-ness with a knife or toothpick.
This cake can be soft and a bit underdone in the center as the ideal consistency is a little pudding-y. Also, you are going to cut the center out. Anything to raw can be discarded. But keep the center dome for capping the impeaching sauce.
If cake is a nice light brown on the top, not too brown at the edges and cooked mostly through, remove it from the oven and let cool. Release the sides of the cake with a knife.
FOR THE IMPEACHMENT FILLING:
Slice 5-7 peaches. Enough to give you 4-5 cups sliced peaches. Don't cut too thin. Aim for 1/4 inch thick pieces.
Place 1/4 cup brown sugar and 1/4 cup butter in a pan to melt and get simmering.
Once butter and sugar are simmering, add 4-5 cups sliced peaches. Now add 1/2 cup orange juice and simmer vigorously until the sauce has reduced to a syrupy glaze, 3-5 minutes. Don't boil or you will end up with hardtack peach brickle.
When cool enough and set, turn cake out onto your palm and flip, dome side up, onto a plate. Slice a little circle out of the center of the cake. This circle has the dome at the top. Pull out the center piece and set aside.
Take a barbecue fork (thick tines) and jam it into the top of the cake in a few places--just like you do into your temple, whenever Sean Spicer comes on the Dummy Box.
Fill center cavity of cake with peaches. Ladle peaches and glaze all over the top of the cake. Place dome cake centerpiece over peaches to top the cake. Decorate with fresh, edible flowers and/or sprinkle 1/2-1 cup chopped, toasted almonds over cake.
We are one step closer to beginning impeachment proceedings for Mike Pence. Woohoo! Persist.
This is a rich pound cake! It is a very satisfying dessert as is--but no-one could blame you for eating it with a little vanilla ice cream. There's nothing wrong with your instincts, sister.