Chewy Almond Butter Teacakes


The US produces 80% of the world’s almonds. Woo-hoo! We’re number one! We’re number one! Mexicans (and other migrant workers) make this possible. They do all of it. Mexicans produce 80% of the world’s almonds.

Trump loves to insult our neighbors in Mexico. As Hurricane Harvey drenched Texas, vacationing Trump tweeted his usual stroke victim-style word clusters—out of his wherever—dissing Mexico in new and stupider ways. Mexico’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs responded to US Commander Slander by expressing “full solidarity with the people and government of the United States as a result of the damages caused by Hurricane Harvey. . .”

Yard On Fire

Mexico is being super nice, even referring to us as a “good neighbor.” Considering North Korea thinks we’re the freaks in the big house at the end of the cul-de-sac and is planning to light our yard on fire—you’d think we would be all about getting tight with the other neighbors.

Trump likes to stereotype Mexicans as violent and criminal. An ignorant racist might think Mexicans would take hot-headed offense to this relentless, goading abuse.

You know what Mexicans actually are? Experienced (with the worst America has to offer*) and patient. Mexicans are Patient.

Recipe For Bullies

This recipe for Chewy Almond Teacakes doesn’t really relate to Mexico accept for the fact that a majority Mexican group of individuals are responsible for providing: All. The. Ingredients. The teacakes are inspired by all the great kids headed back to school—especially the kids who, while at school, hope their parents don’t get sent back to Mexico.

If I still had to make lunches for little people—and I get down on my knees to weep in gratitude every day that I don’t—I would make these teacakes for my kids. I would make the honey-only version, even though the dark brown sugar recipe turns out much tastier. My kids would LOVE these protein and brain-nutrient rich treats.

In the 10 minutes my kids were expected to eat their school lunch, I know they would eat these first. I would take comfort knowing they were filled with enough healthy fuel to manage bullies and long division.

*See every Spring Break in Cabo post ever generated.

My opinions about Mexicans (that they are patient, etc.) are based on living in Mexico, working in restaurants, and friendship.) I’m very sorry for you if my expressed opinions bother you.

Chewy Almond Butter Teacakes

  • Yield: 12 teacakes
  • Prep Time: 15 minutes
  • Cook Time: 12-18 minutes


  • 16 ounces or 1 (1/2) cups crunchy, salted almond butter. I used TJ's.
  • 1/3 cup almond meal. I used TJ's.
  • 1 cup firmly packed Dark Brown sugar. I used Muscovado for a strong molasses and caramel flavor. (OPTIONAL: Try using 3/4-1 cup honey without the additional 1/4 cup of maple syrup for less sweet teacakes.)
  • 1/4 cup maple syrup or honey
  • 1 egg + 1 egg yolk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 36 almonds and/or a few figs.


  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

  2. Whisk together, in a medium bowl: 1 egg, 1 yolk, 1/4 cup maple syrup, 1 teaspoon vanilla and 1/2 teaspoon salt.

  3. Add 16 ounces almond butter to egg mix and combine well.

  4. In 3 stages, fold in 1/3 cup almond meal.

  5. Fill slots of a standard 12 muffin tin halfway with batter.

  6. Place a slice of fig or a few almonds atop batter.

  7. Bake for 12-18 minutes or until deep, golden brown. The center will appear a bit soft and gooey, like with brownies.

  8. Remove from oven and sprinkle each cake with a pinch of coarse sea salt.

  9. let cool to set for 10 minutes. I put mine in the freezer.


These turn out like chewy, gooey brownies---soft inside and crisp at the edges. They are so delicious. I made one batch using only 3/4 cup honey to sweeten. They were good. I would send those in my kid's lunches. I prefer the muscovado sugar recipe as written. Super flavor. These chewy treats could stand alone as a fine dessert, or accompany with vanilla ice cream and tea or coffee.














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