Bone Broth Like a Boss

I first noticed the new It Girl after taking a pricey and humiliating movement class. Not sharing the class details but understand—similar results could be more economically obtained by purchasing a plane ticket, then drinking directly from an equatorial sewer pipe.

Anyway, after class, during that milling around and finding-your-shoes time, a woman caught my attention. It was not her sinewy, sweat-enriched back that drew my attention—it was the way she open-throat glugged out of a clay bottle.

The bottle was shaped exactly like a standard sports water bottle, but with deep, ergonomic finger depressions—and made from droughty, craggy clay. I was staring, so I had to say something.

Me: What a striking drinking vessel.

Sinewy: Oh, I know. It’s local, unfired clay. You have to take a class to get one of these. The nutritional clay slowly dissolves if I get my Kombucha to the correct pH. It nourishes me.

Me: Unquestionably.

Sinewy: I would let you hold it but we are still establishing our bacterial flora connection, so . . .

Me: No, no, no. Of-course-I-won’t-touch-your-flora!  (my hands raised as for a Wild West holdup.)

Sinewy: It’s a sensitive time for us. I just started introducing new liquids, and she’s sorta fussy. (holds the bottle to cheek, nuzzling)

Me: She?

Sinewy: Oh, I’m so sorry. (Holds bottle aloft) This is Sharon. Today is her first BONE BROTH day!

Me: (tilts head like dog listening to child play clarinet)

Bone Broth is the new It Girl. Sinewy was only the chaperone. You can buy bone broth in grocery stores now, but women in my area still prefer hiking through thickets to buy it from underground, Wiccan Co-ops. I’m pro-witch, but Wiccans be Triccan. You don’t need to get hustled by a forest witch to get the good stuff. WE ARE THE WITCHES!

You will need to obtain the following esoteric items if you want to produce authentic, healing Bone Broth:

Bones, Water, Heat.

Bone broth production has the reputation for being a huge pain in the ass. Mainly because—TIME. The process is actually very simple and can be painlessly jammed into anyone’s schedule. The anti- inflammatory benefits of bone broth are renown. People with arthritis, eczema, leaky gut syndrome, and other inflammatory afflictions sing the praises of regular bone broth consumption.

 

 

In… 

 

 

 

BONE BROTH LIKE A BOSS

  • Yield: Never enough
  • Prep Time: 43 seconds
  • Cook Time: 12 hours

Ingredients

  • 5 pound femur bone, sawed into 3-5 pieces
  • 2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
  • Enough water to juuuust cover bones

Instructions

  1. BEEF BONE BROTH

  2. Preheat oven to 450-500 degrees

  3. Cover a baking sheet with parchment paper.

  4. Lay bones on parchment covered baking sheet.

  5. Roast bones for 45-55 minutes, until they are good and caramelized (blackish brown).

  6. OPTIONAL: Roast some aromatic vegetables to add to your broth. I used: Onion, shallot, celery, garlic. These can be added, with a bunch of chopped parsley in the last 2 hours of simmering.

  7. Place roasted bones in a stock or soup pot.

  8. Add enough water to just cover the bones.

  9. Bring bones to a boil. Allow to boil at least an hour.

  10. Simmer on medium-low heat for 8-18 hours. This can be broken up into sessions.

  11. Some people let things boil in their kitchens through the night. I don't sleep well when there is a small gas fire downstairs--one that is directly connected to an endless supply of more gas.

  12. I boiled and simmered my bones for a few hours one day. Let them cool, boiled and simmered them again the next day for several more hours. Total number of hours boiling: 2 hours. Additional time simmering: 10 hours.

  13. Remove the bones. Scrape all the chunklets and gristly bits off the bones and into the broth.

  14. Strain the broth through a fine mesh. Mash up all the lumpy bits in the strainer to get all nutritive drops of liquid.

  15. Do whatever you like with the meaty, fatty junk you caught in your net. Pretend you are Laura Ingalls Wilder's Ma and combine it with fresh ticking to make a new mattress.

  16. Place strained broth in the freezer to encourage the fat separation process. The fat separates after about an hour.

  17. Remove solid, fat cap from the broth. Sculpt an adorable calf figurine with this fresh tallow.

  18. Place the skimmed broth in the refrigerator to cool and gel. If you and the cow have done your work right, you will end up with a collagen-rich jelly. This Jello makes a horrible dessert. When heated it melts into a luscious broth.

  19. Serve Bone Broth:
    Ladled over steamed or roasted vegetables
    Combined with a little miso and served as a soup
    In a mug with a dash of salt and pepper
    Add to soups and stews
    Spooned over rice, pasta or other grains

  20. I gentle, nourishing meal for someone who is ill:

    1 tablespoon bone broth gel heated with 1 cup water, pinch of salt--ladled over plain noodles.

Notes

If you are an old bone-boiler, set in your ways, Listen Up! You don't need to blanche your bones. You don't need to boil and simmer longer than 8 hours. You can use a crock pot!
If you use a crockpot, like I intend to do next time: Boil bones vigorously for 1 hour prior to placing int the crockpot for as long as possible, up to 24 hours.

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2 Comments

  1. Love this idea and recipe. I plan to make it for a dear friend with breast cancer, going through chemo, and this will nourish her as she gets through the associated nausea.

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